~Aaron~

• #6

Where do you run to when you’re alone, weak, tired, fragile, and/or in pain? What’s that little secret garden that you have?

Do you ever run to yourself (or rather, run away) ? Or do you run to someone of higher power?
Or you just stop running?

• #5

I’m shocked yesterday that one of my friends is in coma due to an apparently what is being reported as a virus infrection. I receive a lot of messages regarding this, asking for a kind donation.
    I felt sorry for her; and something prompted me to help her in contributing money to cover her parents’ flight ticket from Malaysia to UK. But at the same time, the other side of me was telling me to just not do anything because "there will always be a lot of people to help her; the money needed will already be enough very soon, even if I don’t contribute".  I was thus in a dilemma whether I should play a role in this matter. It’s not like I’m very close to her; but at the of the end the day,I somehow managed to override what my brain was telling me to do. I choose to play my part.
    I think it’s because of the fact that I feel that family is very important when it comes to this kind of matter. I think that I’m reminded of my guilt for not attending my grandfather’s funeral (it’s was exam period and I had some finacial problem) that made me choose to play a part. I couldn’t bear to see another family not being able to be there next to their loved ones before it’s too late.
    I pray that my friend would recover soon.

• #4

I love charity shops!!!! They have a lot of good and extremely cheap items!
Put it this way: 5th book of Harry Potter (hardcover) + 4th book (paperback) = 2.50 pounds only!!!!!

• #3

Studies have been ok ok. Quite disappointed with the previous exam. I got only 65%. The rest of my close friends almost all got more than 80%. One of them was even placed in the top 5% of the class(argh!!!!!). Oh well, I’m over my ‘mourning’ period now. Dwell to long with that I will kill my next exam, which is even harder! BRAIN AND BEHAVIOUR..super complex, and at times can be really abstract.

I’m working better now. Putting in more commitment and effort into this subject. But I think it’s not enough. At the same,I am going through the cycles of emotions which sometimes can be very tiring to fight or to even ignore. I must be strong. And I’m happy despite the nature of this subject, b&b has captivated my interest. Really!

• #2

I was talking about this with Zul last night during dinner and speaking of people being greedy will always lose out. Orang tamak selalu rugi. Then Zul was talking about his idea of how people who are working will somehow have sense of greed embeded inherently, which is quite true, I say. If we don’t have somekind of greed,no matter how small, we won’t be successful. We do have to be selfish at times to get what we want. Sedikit-sedikit lama-lama jadi bukit. This one must be with a bit of greed.

And I came up with this new extension the cliche. "Orang tamak selalu rugi. Tapi bila dia tidak rugi, dia untung BESAR"…hm, should give this line to Malaysian Finance company to use in their ads. Then I can reap the royalty from the slogan…hehehehehehehe. Greedy!

• #1

I am a hybrid of my parents - I can be as composed and cool as my dad. I can be as meticulous and analytical as my mum; and I think also think when I’m angry and my emotions have swollen enough, l will explode and blow things out of proportion; and I think my mouth can be as lasery and keep humping on the thing, no matter trivial that is as much as possible. Aaron Wilson exploding, words he says becoming really really really really really hurtful?!?!?!? Yes, it’s possible. It’s rare, but it comes, it comes! And it’s really an ugly side of me. So, please, I don’t want to be a monster (which now reminds me of Hulk. LOL)

Why am I saying this? Well, I don’t think I can tell people my personality directly. Even if they themselves will take the initiative, that I think will take ages; so I might as well bare my soul like this.

I guess I found an answer to why some people are being superficial:

    "I think that everybody knows this…that the hardest thing for a person to do is to smile when inside the heart is already shattered…but do you know what the worst thing is? To be shattered, with everyone trying to build you up, encouraging you to move on and let God have His way, and for you to realize all these things to the depths of your heart, and yet, choose to be a captive to your emotions of sadness, loneliness and heart brokenness…

    The feeling of being misunderstood, the emptiness of always telling others that I am okay, preferring to fall down hard on the hardest of pavements and choosing to stay down on the ground, hurt, bleeding…with the thought that you deserve all these torment and heart ache, even when you know that you don’t, do you? Do you see what I see? It is because that through suffering you really feel in touch with yourself, that you are the truest when everything that was built is now in rubbles… You see yourself like you have never seen yourself before…Finding comfort in serving your pain and feeling all the more worse when you try to ignore it…

    For the love of God you do not realize the only problem to the situation is yourself and the solution is also yourself, which you do not see, and rather stay blinded…But you do see, and you do realize…The solution? Nothing…For there can be no solution when the problem and the solution is the same thing, which is yourself…By overcoming the problem, you overcome the solution and hence the problem still persists because the solution has been overcome, override, whatever you may call it…YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET BETTER!!"

-Anonymous-

#5: Shattering, drowning into oblivion

#4: Confession 002 : I’ve washed my bedsheets!!! (finally…)

#3: Suddenly I felt everyone was really superficial to me. Even my pseudoflatmates…

#2: I don’t know why I find it really hard to come up with a well-elaborated idea. I’ve been trying to come up with a good long blog entry, but as I was doing it, I realise that my brain is already thinking of something else, quite deeply (I doubt even this ranting about how short my deeply-thought-of idea capacity will last long before I’m thinking of something else now). My concentration has become very shifty lately. Hm…coming to think of it, I’ve been not been able to retain my concentration while studying for a long time. It would be long before I realise it, I’m already thinking or doing something else already. And wasting my time. Arghh…!!! I shouldn’t even be bloggin now. I should be studying.!!!

#1: I wonder why sometimes people are so eager to search for truth although they barely have a clear idea of what constitutes truth. And I wonder why people who are desperately trying to impose their ‘truths’ on others call their friends ‘ignorant, in denial and stubborn’ when they don’t share the common belief.

Is it because we belief that we’re living in a world of uncertain future? Is it because we just need to be assured of what we are doing is okay? Can’t we just live in aimlessness? Is there such a thing called ultimate purpose of life?

#1:So far so good. SSM was interesting. I get to dissect cadaver (for all you people who don’t understand this, to put it in a layman’s term, potong mayat!) However, the exam was damn hard! It’s already bad enough you have to memorise all the distributions of nerves, blood vessels, and muscle…the questions even asked for the location. How the hell was I able to remember what lie on the sides of each type of nerve/muscle/joint - what’s medial/lateral/inferior/superior/anterior/posterrior to them-when there are just other loads of things to know in two weeks????

#2:I was out last night to this very nice and posh bar (or pub? still can’t tell the difference until now)..nice ambience, and expensive drinks (like a 50ml drink - not even half your mineral water bottle -  minimum of 4pounds!!!)….but super not worth buying. In the menu: "exotic juice - fresh passion fruit+soda+papaya …" something like that but tastes like #!())^!$)$^(**&^^%%$@@. But I really liked the place…..should hang out more at places like that, when I"m rich, if I ever (and hopefully will! get rich. Who knows, I may just be making money from this crappy blog. LOL)

#3:and as for tonight…..Karaoke-ing!

#4: mum told me i looked thinner. Hmm…not sure about this, coz i thought i’ve gained weight i.e bergemuk. Then i asked my friends whether I’ve lost weight , and yeah, they thought so too compared to how i look before.LOL.maybe that’s just an illusion. All I did was jogging 3 times a week(trying to maintain this), and walk to lecture….could this be the reason? Hmm…

#5: It’s really nice to be able to talk my juniors back in KMB once in a while. Yeah, i’m quite close with quite a number of them (there was a time when I was the ONLY senior when we hang out). Who are they(juniors; curious?)?  I’m sure they know. I’m quite flattered when some of them actually say I’m the most approachable senior (not really sure why i was said like that; bukannya I always bug them, especially to the girls. Coming to think of, I might just did - watch movies on friday night, or simply just bugging them. Hehe. =P). It’s really to know that they are free now, and officially start the mental torture to their juniors, of how wonderful life is after handing in all the assignments that suffered finishing in Sem 3.

    Ahh…..The cycle of seniors torturing juniors. Classic.

#6: I’ve got a confession to make (ewwwwww..):

1. i’ve not changed and washed my bedsheet for weeks!
2. I’ve planned to buy a new set of bedsheet, when I have enough allocation in my weekly budget.
3. I’ve not bought the new set of bedsheet!
4. I did have the allocation for bedsheet in several weeks already, but I wasted on other things!
5. I’ve not changed and washed my bedsheet!
6. …but it still smells goooooood.

#7: I love Canary Wharf sooooooooooooooooooooo much! I want stay there! I want to havea house there! But it’s so bloody expensive!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone…give me a house in Canary Wharf (not the plastic model, you idiot) on my birthday!

    I guess there has been many times(money, energy etc) that I thought I have ‘wasted’ by going out with people for things like eating out,karaoke-ing; chatting with them over the internet or simply just bug them in their rooms for hours and hours until they really sick of seeing my face. I could have used that time for studying, do a lot more useful things.

    However, that’s another way of me learn something from life. You try do it yourself. You’ll be surprised of how much learn about yourself and others, positive or negative, regardless.

    I think if there’s one thing that I would like to really learn from spending my time for others, I want to learn how to be transparent and honest with myself and with others. Even with my close friends now (flat/+pseudo #37 + m03p people), I can honestly say that I have never open about certain things of life. I’m not if I can ever do that, because I dare not take the risk. I dare not loose the things I have now. I fear that in the process of opening up, I’ll hurt people around me, and hurt …myself, even more.

    But I really do want to have an accountable friend whom I can be completely transparent, and not hurting me. I do not know whoever you that is reading this blog now is gonna be The One.

    Truth hurts? Hmm.